but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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