I cockslap morals
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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