Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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