After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
