just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
