I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
