who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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