It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again