You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
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Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..