Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!

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  (310): YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??! http://tfl.nu/ltdu
  Replies (55) Good night (8851) Bad night (891)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

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  (214): My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night. http://tfl.nu/bjzh
  Replies (20) Good night (7043) Bad night (1231)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.

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  (603): No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class. http://tfl.nu/tnda
  Replies (28) Good night (4307) Bad night (900)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

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  (410): I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube. (1-410): I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds. http://tfl.nu/szhm
  Replies (13) Good night (4964) Bad night (1018)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.

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  (919): Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar. http://tfl.nu/xoz4
  Replies (3) Good night (2791) Bad night (1039)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he tried to breastfeed my turtle

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  (864): he tried to breastfeed my turtle http://tfl.nu/mp5f
  Replies (16) Good night (1745) Bad night (2887)
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  (213): View more from California

  And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at

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  (213): And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at http://tfl.nu/rkdn
  Replies (5) Good night (1846) Bad night (621)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.

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  (970): I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life. http://tfl.nu/eqcg
  Replies (21) Good night (1560) Bad night (1217)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?

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  (202): What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom? http://tfl.nu/x7t2
  Replies (9) Good night (1004) Bad night (481)
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  (650): View more from California

  He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.

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  (650): He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse. http://tfl.nu/0nh4
  Replies (1) Good night (959) Bad night (487)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.

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  (248): This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone. http://tfl.nu/i8ci
  Replies (5) Good night (432) Bad night (1007)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her

  (845): View more from New York

  You mean sponsor?

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  (914): I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her (845): You mean sponsor? http://tfl.nu/42k1
  Replies (0) Good night (573) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.

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  (603): You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up. http://tfl.nu/2txy
  Replies (0) Good night (360) Bad night (847)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.

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  (952): You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat. http://tfl.nu/y56r
  Replies (2) Good night (324) Bad night (832)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.

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  (306): I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal. http://tfl.nu/5qva
  Replies (4) Good night (445) Bad night (255)

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