We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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