I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila