Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive

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  (814): I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive http://tfl.nu/iqgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1978) Bad night (529)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

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  (773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j
  Replies (39) Good night (3936) Bad night (1073)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me

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  (225): at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me http://tfl.nu/xox1
  Replies (23) Good night (741) Bad night (5954)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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  (202): But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery." http://tfl.nu/8w5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1463) Bad night (4245)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.

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  (843): Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here. http://tfl.nu/2yn8
  Replies (5) Good night (1212) Bad night (2792)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.

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  (201): The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card. http://tfl.nu/lm1u
  Replies (15) Good night (2719) Bad night (777)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right

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  (807): If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right http://tfl.nu/lb7z
  Replies (3) Good night (3952) Bad night (880)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

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  (808): Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower. http://tfl.nu/ajbm
  Replies (12) Good night (2157) Bad night (625)
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  (559): View more from California

  He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year

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  (559): He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year http://tfl.nu/93v6
  Replies (8) Good night (1271) Bad night (698)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it

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  (201): I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it http://tfl.nu/orze
  Replies (7) Good night (1161) Bad night (863)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?

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  (254): when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger? http://tfl.nu/g708
  Replies (13) Good night (1149) Bad night (495)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.

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  (310): I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle. http://tfl.nu/a8xs
  Replies (0) Good night (682) Bad night (326)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.

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  (734): My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know. http://tfl.nu/ov06
  Replies (1) Good night (504) Bad night (221)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....

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  (250): Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so.... http://tfl.nu/u1xp
  Replies (4) Good night (545) Bad night (228)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police

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  (334): So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police http://tfl.nu/ocot
  Replies (5) Good night (1165) Bad night (217)

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