it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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