doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
