you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
