Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
