I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
