and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
