Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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