Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
