Don't you send me to vm
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
