so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
