They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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