It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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