im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
