Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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