This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
