I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude. I can hear the air.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
