Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
