East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
