you win again, gameday.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
