No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
