the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sober January is a disaster.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
