margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
