Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
