I hate all girls vehemently.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
