no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
