I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
