I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
