I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
