You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
