It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
