I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
