Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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