And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
