South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Please don't give away my fajitas
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
