I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
