i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
