God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
