The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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