rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ttyl tear gas
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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