dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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