Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can text with my tongue
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
