Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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