I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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