If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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