i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
