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There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Randomize
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