Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.