wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?