I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
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I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So much rum. So many feels.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking