I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
