WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".