who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.