I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.