i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story