would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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