I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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