if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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