Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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