In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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