My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
