I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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