i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
