i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
